The FastDay Forum

The end of 2012 and beginning of 2013 have been a turning point, so far, for me. In 2012 I met the man who changed my life, giving me confidence and making me feel beautiful, in 2013 I had the strenght to decide to take care of myself and to lose weight and I already made 3/4 of the road and never felt better.

One of the big progress, and it's a crazy one, is that I can walk in high heels without feeling like my feet are dying after 5 minutes Who said I am vain ?

All is not great, however, I still have difficulties to look in the mirror. I still hate my skin for all the streched marks I have everywhere. I still want to hide in a mouse hole from time to time. Learning to love ones body is not easy when you learned to hate or despise it for years.

The road is long, still. After the weight loss, it will take a lot of time to learn to really love that body of mine with its flaws and it will probably take years.But there's hope. If I could lost all that weight, I can learn to love my body. Can't I

Wonderful update Manderley - all the more special because you are so honest, and don't try and make out it's all easy (big hugs here)

We've all been inspired by your particular story - so please keep updating us on your progress!

Thank you, Silverdarling for your kind words....

I have to say that coming here was a big boost for me. You know how it is, you can't really talk about it around you, even to your husband or partner because it can be a "burden" for them to hear about it all the time so you keep it to yourself and feel, sometimes, that you are alone and nobody can understand what you're going through so having a special place where others know exactly what you live, the pride, the hope and sometimes the despair is a huge help and even somtimes, a kick in the butt

I truly believe that ones have to learn why ones put on weight and deal with it. In my case it's not because of a medical reason or even because I binged, in fact I never ate a lot. All begun when I was raped 21 years ago. It was my first time. I remember it as if it was yesterday. After that I decided to hide myself and to not be deirable and for that to never happen again, I put on weight. A self defense mecanism in a way.

I made peace with what happened years agout didn't understand, yet, why I put on weight. It took a therapy to understand it. Now my body seems to have enough and to be lovable once more.

You know how some people have difficulties to recognize themselves in the mirror when they lost a lot of weight. Some even put on back the weight because they never accept who they became. I don't want that, I want to deal with the cellulite and the stretch marks (I have a curse, my skin is very thin and I have them everywhere, on my arms, legs, tummy, boobs...) even if it's frustrating and ones can feel it will never end...

Losing weight is not a miracle solution, it doesn't give all the answers... unfortunately.

Well Manderlay as I've said before you are an inspiration to those of us who have a long journey ahead of us so thank-you for your moving post 6 months down the line and seem to remember you saying you have to love yourself first before you can move on
You have made so many changes it those first months and have had a brilliant weight loss + met a man who is happy with you and also happy for you ( weight loss wise ) so now's the time to put other changes into your life, small things to begin with, then the journey will eventually get a little shorter and you will get through to the end of the tunnel.
Good Luck with the next 6 months and I and many others will be here to offer the support to help you along the way Sue

Manderley,

Don't worry about not loving your body, it's only flesh and bone, what is more important is what is going on in your head and it sounds like you have, or are getting, your head in a good place, and is where true peace and happiness lies.

A lot of us on here, myself included, hate the sight of our bodies. I detest mine without clothes on and only just think it is sort of O.K. whilst dressed, except in a bandage dress of course, then I feel fab but daft, and this only since I lost loads of weight. I will never love my body, for goodness sake, what is there to love about some flabby, saggy wrinkled old lump of geriatric flesh but HE loves me, faults and all and this is what is important. As you settle into this new, and wonderful sounding love, you will relax about it, honest, and you will just learn to love your life, body and all.

Take care and be kind to yourself, just dress the flab nicely and it won't seem half as bad, treat yourself to something lovely that flatters you, take a deep breath (that always makes the body look and feel more toned!)and give that man of yours a great big hug and just get on with it,

Ballerina x

Tally-ho, Manderley, doing great, both in mind and body!

I'm fat and stretch-marked and loved by my OH. I mildly despair at the gorgeous girls giving their bods a hard time at the gym, when they're tanned, thin and lovely but their minds are still seeking perfection, which is always a dream.

I think one should try to love your body or at least be kind to the poor thing. It's put up with all the crap one's mind has inflicted on it.

Another inspirational story!

So..... I seem to have a problem to write messages today. I wrote a big one and, as I was about to post it, it dissapears... So I have to do it all over again. Here we go...

A bit of an update. I didn't come on the forum for nearly a week now because everything went nuts. I didn't have an internet connection for 2 days, I had an asthma cough (I don't know the right word for it and am too lazy to look for it) and still have it even if it'smuch better and, last but not least, my knee double its size with a synovial thingy without reason (I went to bed, everything was fine, I woke up the next morning, I could barely walk). After 3 days where I had to stay in bed, all is fine now but it nearly drove me crazy....

I begin to really realize how much I lost. One example, my favorite skirt, which fitted me fine a few weeks ago is way loose. I mean, I lose it when I walk and, one funny thing, we had a laugh with my partner because the zipper was not where it was supposed to be when he tried to undress me and he couldn't find it

Antother thing, when I wear some v neck top, one of my shoulder always slip and with the other tops, I have to be very careful to hide my boobs...

My partner told me first the first time he loves my curves and it's kind of sweet how he "play" with them and cuddle them. However it doen't change how I see myself and how I see my skin and how I have a problem to deal with it.

The strech marks are the worst. I know that I am probably the only one to see them but they drives me crazy. My boobs are horrible, so much so that, for the first time in my entire life, I think about plastic surgery for after and I hate that idea because it's not me. I don't know if I have z choice, however because I hate my skin I find it horrible and dry and ld and, for the first time ever, I hide myself during the most intimate moments.

It's very personnal but I have to talk about it. Our sex life is great. Really. The only difference with "before" is I need to hide my skin a little.We don't do it in the d dark, still whenever day and night and it's really really great and I even go on top now which I didn't do before because I was always scared to hurt my partner. The only thing is I don't get naked as soon as we begin. I need to wear a baby doll for a while until I am not self councious anymore which can takehs away a bit of the intimity so I am working on it.

Manderley I am sure your body is lovely but is a body which has lived. There is a myth about beauty and it is not just for the young and pretty perfect body and shape. I recall in discussion with an 80 year old woman as she described how excited she was to be having her husband home from a long convalescence. As she spoke of the love of her life, her eyes sparkled her smile was radiant and the years dropped away and I could see the young woman madly in love. Watching her I swear in my minds eye she shed 50 years. So it is a matter of perception and our beauty is in our vibrancy, our sparkle and in our heart

I know that, gillymary but I think I am beginning to worry what I will look like in 20 years...I mean, if my skin is awful at 39, can you imagine how much worse it will be when I'll reach 60....

My partner is 55, he is fit, I mean, this week he's goint on a big excustion in the mountains and will walk every day for 5 to 9 hours... I can't do that.

Maybe what I am feeling right now is part of the "repair processus", I just need to work on it.

Now that my knee is normal again and that my periods are over (sorry...), I feel much better and more upbeat. I keep losing weight at asteady pace, not too fast but noticable however. I still can't look at myself in the mirror naked but am at peace with it.

These last few weeks I lost weight from the side boobs and the back mostly. It's quite strange really, it's the first time ever I lose weight here, and at first I didn't even notice it. I feel more comforta tble now.

This week we will be 2 to diet as my partner is trying to lose the few kilos he put on this winter. For the first time he realises that he can't lose weight as easily as he did. His body doesn't reacts as easily as he did even last year. He used to fast for a few days, do a lot of sport (as in the mountains these last 3 weeks) and would lose all the extra weight. Now it's much harder. I decided to do it with him, even if his way is harder than my way.

So this week I will fast monday and tuesday, eat only lean chicken and steamed vegetables wednesday, fast thursday and eat steamed vegetables and lean meat the rest of the week. No alcohol. It seems hard, and it probably will but it's only for one week.

Now that the weather is much better and that I don't feel any pain, my new goal will be to go walk 1h every day. I just have no idea where I'll go.

Last but not least, I'll try to medidate, even if it's a torture for me as I hate silence and can't stay without doing anything for more than 3 minutes...

I think the telly and Hollywood have a lot to answer for as you never see anyone without a great body and great moves and makeup in sex scenes. Speaking from experience (and a fairly distant memory) the best sex I ever had was usually when I was wearing scruffy clothes, no makeup and was, for lack of a better word, slightly grubby or indeed sweaty! I remember once keeping my sneakers on because my socks had holes in them and I thought my sneakers might be a bit whiffy - fairly new boyfriend, and as for the sex, we broke a chair and I burned the potatoes! Sex and passion is not about looks, Manderley, just cast your inhibitions aside, now that's sexy!

I don't have any inhibitions with my partner, it's the opposite. The sex is wild and we do it for hours (yes, really for hours....), day and night, and the next day we even have sore muscles as if we ran the marathon It's just that I don't like my body, right now, as it is changing. A lot. So,for the few minutes, I need to be just a little dressed. It's funny because, on the other hand, he is naked in 30 seconds. In fact, he usually finished the job because he loves my body....

I couldn't have sex, or make love with socks and shoes. Except if it's in the woods, of course

Hi Manderlay glad you're feeling a little better and I am so glad you managed to post those fantastic photos that you received from your partner way up in the mountains He loves your body enough for the two of you, and you will start to love it a little at a time, however I do understand the thoughts you have with excess skin left after losing a lot of weight, because I'm at that stage now where its beginning to have the '' ripple '' effect and no way is my GP going to get me surgery on nhs say in 12 months time but I now Would take it if it was offered for later on. Having said that I would rather '' cover-up '' with sleeves on my clothing that regain all my weight again. No Way
I've said goodbye to all my unhealthy Fat but gained quite a few ripples so what life is for living. Good Luck Sue

Manderley wrote...............

"I couldn't have sex, or make love with socks and shoes. Except if it's in the woods, of course"

Love it, Manderley, I just LOVE your outlook on life

Ballerina x