The FastDay Forum

Seems like your mother doesn't have enough to do--maybe part of the problem is that she needs something else to think about, other than you. Maybe you can think of a way to get her interested in friends, activities, hobbies etc.

There's also the possibility that she's experiencing personality changes due to illness, incipient dementia, depression...

One tactic might be for you to discuss this problem on the phone with her doctor just before her next checkup and ask him to broach behavioral issues with her--without his/her mentioning to her that you've called, of course. You could just say to him that you're worried that she might be depressed without saying anything about how she treats you.

I do feel for you so much.

I just wanted to add a hug from me - it sounds like such a difficult situation for you. I haven't gone public about doing fast days! I skip breakfast and no-one notices, and I have 'lunchtime' at work three times a week, so I just eat less in the evenings of my fast days and no-one really knows!

From what you have said, I don't think that you are going to change your fammily's perception of this WOE. You have said that you can't afford to move out so I would suggest thhat you simply refuse to get into any dialogue about it.

Yelling and shouting, explaining and justification will not help at all. You are a grown up and need to refuse to discuss it every time the issue is raised. If necessary, calmly remove yourself from the room or the house without a word. They will then have no audience and will soon stop. It may take a few (maybe a lot) of quiet refusal before they learn that it is just not working.

I realise that this strategy is very different from some other suggestions but it may well be worth a try! Whatever you decide, I would like to send you my very best wishes for a happy resolution.

Sending big hugs to you, daydreamer21! Sounds like your mum is terrified of losing control over you, which is an impossible situation to be in because you are a grown adult and this kind of smothering attention (especially negative attention) must be making you very down. At the end of the day though, there is nothing she can do but scream and shout at you about your decisions.

Have confidence in yourself and your choices, and remain calm when you deal with her. If she has plenty of practice shouting then facing her calmly is the first step. I would probably try to shut myself off from her emotionally- don't be rude, be pleasant, but don't confide in her what you're thinking or doing as much as possible. I know this is difficult when you live together. Other than that, if she brings up fasting again, I doubt arguing with her will help. You don't know everything about 5:2, but you're learning, like most of us! You know that it works and it's healthy, and it's not a fad diet. It's a way of life. But your mum has clearly made up her mind and won't listen even if you make lots of sense (from what you've said). Obviously I don't know her, or you, in real life so this is all objective at the moment!

At the end of the day, I would just look her dead in the eye and say 'My body, my decision'. Any embellishment may just provoke her.

Even if you don't take my advice, you have a whole forum of people who are here for you! Don't be afraid to talk if you need to You are wonderful and you can be strong about this, just take a deep breath and remind yourself of your right to make your own decisions with confidence!

I moved to Scotland. I'm now in the place where I can do the "remove myself" thing. Works surprisingly well, it only has to be for a few minutes, stops escalation.

There are a lot of online resources too.

I haven't had any contact with my Mother since I was 24 and I am much better for it. My two sister's who do have contact with her both have very low self esteem. Do you have an exit plan for no longer living at home? You say you want children but then you said you have stopped going out how are you going to meet anyone? Does your Mother have weight issues herself? Remind her that you are an adult with a responsible job.

I think a meet up in London and some spoiling is a called for here,

Ballerina x

P.S. And I don't mean your mum

[carieoates]

Get out as soon as possible. It will wreck your relationship with your fella when he arrives. (Maybe he shouldn't come until he has a job so that you can start a new life in your own place). Seems like your mum is also dependant on you. You need to show her that you are in fact a adult with your own mind and life.

Oh how I wish you could move away. What a suffocating situation Daydreamer. My thoughts would be firstly to work towards a plan of moving out. Even live an hour away from work- somewhere cheaper and commute ( maybe when your boyfriend hopefully gets work.) Your Mum will survive. Surely she doesn't expect her adult children to live with her forever.
Secondly, say to mum " I have my doctors full approval and support on my WOE ( don't use the fast word anymore) and I choose not to discuss this with you anymore" calmly then don't. If mum brings it up just smile and say I love you mum then walk away.
Thirdly have lunch with @Ballerina in London.
Best wishes and hugs from across the pond.
Xxx julianna

@daydreamer21, my dear, this is not a daydream, this is a nightmare. Every time you write back with more details, I have more and more danger signals coming up. I am a therapist, and I have also worked through a similar situation in my own personal life over the years. I really feel this is urgent for you, if I may speak plainly, this woman is holding you prisoner. This is a situation of domestic emotional violence and I do hope and pray that you can find some strength within yourself to be able to act on your own behalf and get some support. Please feel free to PM me if you think it might be helpful for you. I wish you all the best.

My advise is pretty extreme. I had to cut off all contact with my mother because of her unbelievable rudeness, bigotry and racism. I haven't seen or spoken to her for 3 years. Its going to be a bit awkward when my daughter gets married.

That's a bit too drastic for me. Family (and mothers) are important no matter how much they nag and are just wrong. Must be my European roots

Assuming moving away from the house, (but still in communication with her) is out of the question, then the I agree with the comments by @BethP[/tag ] 5-2-diet-chat-f6/how-do-you-deal-with-negative-comments-about-fasting-t11106-15.html#p149022 seems ver
Wish you well [tag]daydreamer21. Stay strong as you are on a positive health journey now and you should feel proud of your decision to change that part of your life around.

She was of the opinion, loudly stated that everyone on disability benefits could work, whilst looking straight at my husband in a wheelchair. Everyone else on benefits was a scrounger, that people on benefits shouldn't have health care as it was paid for by the workers. She loudly called all foreigners to be thieves and gypsies whilst sat on a patio in the middle of a campsite in a foreign country. She also complained that my eldest son was a lazy layabout, when he had come on holiday straight from a 60 hour shift at work and said that my sons Autism was just a made up condition so he could be lazy too. She is NOT the kind of person I wanted near me or my children.

Had a great idea! Seeing you have a difficult class this year - how about a career change? Look for advertisements for jobs where couples work for someone rich and they have their own granny flat included - maybe domestic and / or caring for animals or the land. I believe @Domane and her hubby have a gig like this. This situation may require thinking outsidethe box.
Xxx
I think Jools is right too.

She was of the opinion, loudly stated that everyone on disability benefits could work, whilst looking straight at my husband in a wheelchair. Everyone else on benefits was a scrounger, that people on benefits shouldn't have health care as it was paid for by the workers. She loudly called all foreigners to be thieves and gypsies whilst sat on a patio in the middle of a campsite in a foreign country. She also complained that my eldest son was a lazy layabout, when he had come on holiday straight from a 60 hour shift at work and said that my sons Autism was just a made up condition so he could be lazy too. She is NOT the kind of person I wanted near me or my children.

I totally understand then. Sometimes people around us, including mums can be toxic. And there is no other choice. I guess in this situation if she has tried every other solution offered and its destroying her then its a different matter. Sorry if i spoke out of line Julieathome. its clearer now

How could you speak out of turn, you didn't have the full facts at your fingertips. There is no need to apologise for anything. Sometimes you have to take drastic steps and hope that you don't turn out like your own parent.