The FastDay Forum

How could you speak out of turn, you didn't have the full facts at your fingertips. There is no need to apologise for anything. Sometimes you have to take drastic steps and hope that you don't turn out like your own parent.

yes indeedy

Heh, 2 hours in the tub will give you wrinkles as well...

This bit of advice may be a little late, but in general I tend to not emphasize the fasting or 5:2 aspect of what I'm doing to lose weight (and I'm fortunate enough to have lost weight at a pace that gets noticed, so people ask me how I did it). Usually I just say, "well, the short answer is that I ate less and exercised more, but there's a longer answer to that if you're really interested." You can usually gauge how a person is going to react to 5:2 based on how they follow that up.

I think that a lot of the negative reactions to this WoE are based on unfortunate word choices that were made to make this a best-selling diet, and combined with the whole reality that it is new, and it is popular, and therefore a 'fad,' then people often forget that they fast every single day of their lives and that 'breakfast' is a term that scares nobody. Is it unhealthy to fast 8 hours every single day? Why is it unhealthy to skip the morning meal and break your fast at noon, or skip two meals and break the fast in the late afternoon?

Also, again because they needed to sell books, the marketers promise that "you can eat whatever you want!" in those periods when you're not fasting, which simply isn't true. If you do intermittent fasting, and eat bread and wine and beer and sugary sodas and cakes and cookies and blow through your TDEE plus more in a single meal then you won't lose weight, and you'll probably develop all the insulin resistance you would have gotten had you not skipped breakfast in the first place.

In your specific case, as has been pointed out, this has less to do with the WoE and more to do with a mother who doesn't want her daughter to grow up and make her own decisions. That's as natural as, well, mothers and daughters...

Don't know if this helps. Best of luck to you, though.

(Now suddenly a hot bath sounds good, and I'm not all that stressed...)

[Tracieknits]

What BruceE also didn't mention is that neither of us have said a WORD about fasting in front of my mother, who we see about every 2 weeks. She was anorexic when I was a child and she's still kind of crazy about food, diets, exercise, etc.

She sees herself as at least as fat as I am - her BMI is 25, mine is 38.

She's crazy and annoying and has the capacity to be as much "fun" as your mom, Daydreamer. Honestly, the only way I dealt with her was by moving across the country.

Don't listen to her guilt trips. Tell her firmly that you love her but she is the parent, you are the child and this is your job, to grow up and leave. It's not your responsibility to manage her finances. All too often I feel like I am parenting my own mother. It's hard.

We have a pretty good relationship now. I live about 2 hours and 15 minutes away from her by car. It's perfect. I can go see her when I want, but we almost never spend more than 7 or 8 hours visiting at a time.

but yeah, she has no idea how BruceE lost so much weight! LOL

I think that a lot of the negative reactions to this WoE are based on unfortunate word choices that were made to make this a best-selling diet, and combined with the whole reality that it is new, and it is popular, and therefore a 'fad,' then people often forget that they fast every single day of their lives and that 'breakfast' is a term that scares nobody. Is it unhealthy to fast 8 hours every single day? Why is it unhealthy to skip the morning meal and break your fast at noon, or skip two meals and break the fast in the late afternoon?

Also, again because they needed to sell books, the marketers promise that "you can eat whatever you want!" in those periods when you're not fasting, which simply isn't true. If you do intermittent fasting, and eat bread and wine and beer and sugary sodas and cakes and cookies and blow through your TDEE plus more in a single meal then you won't lose weight, and you'll probably develop all the insulin resistance you would have gotten had you not skipped breakfast in the first place.

this "fad" label is even in wiki.. been discused in this thread news-f17/is-anyone-here-a-wikipedia-editor-t10991.html

baths are good. for me a foot bath is enough. must have peppermint oil. and then peppermint foot balm.

im always ready to shout the praises of 5:2 to anyone that even vaguely mentions weight, health or anything but i guess the moment i encounter any negative comments i just stop talking about it.

Thank you all so much for your insight, support and advice. I think I'm just going to do what people suggest, as soon as she tries to engage in any conversation (or argument) about fasting I am just going to leave the room/house. I was speaking to Jamie last night and we both decided this was not a happy environment for us to be in so we are staying here 1 year max to save as much money as we can. I also feel she will try to create a divide between Jamie and me and since he is the ONLY person on my side we can't afford to let that happen. Plus I don't want to put him in any uncomfortable situations- the last time he stayed with us, she had a "word" with him while I was out of the room, trying to get me to stop fasting. However he fully supports me and actually wants to do it himself. I was very upset with her when she did that.

But yes, I don't think we shall be living here much longer. I know there will be a great deal of kicking and screaming on her part but I feel it is the best thing for us.

At least when Jamie moves down you will have an ally to help you stand up to your mum. Stay strong daydreamer and focus on the future with your bf and a life on your own. x

At least when Jamie moves down you will have an ally to help you stand up to your mum. Stay strong daydreamer and focus on the future with your bf and a life on your own. x

Absolutely @daydreamer21 You must both you+ Jamie stick ttogether and not let her come between you under no circumstances because she will ruin you life thus destroying your relationship with her a few years down the line don't wait ages if its going to happen it may as well be NOW.
Stand up together regarding this WOL and if needs be a white lie saying you're calorie counting and exercising if that's what she needs to hear say it. But don't let her carry on for much longer with this emotional blackmail.
I don't like not being truthful with my OH but I know this is the right thing to do for the moment.
Stay strong, stay positive, stay focused, stay on this WOL, stay on thus forum, stay in control of your future + life.♥
Focus on how well you've done and your weightloss.
Be determined to stay together you+ Jamie with this WOL.
Sending hugs and hope your way. Sue♥

How about a few tricks. Leave a breakfast bowl with a smear of milk in the bottom, a spoon and even a few grains of sugar on the worktop as 'proof' that you have eaten. Tell her you have had an apple, that you will be getting a pastie in town. Then tell her you are switching to a 'traditional' diet. If need be buy a Weigh Watchers book and leave it prominently open in the lounge. You only have to disguise what you are doing for 2 days a week, there can be strategies for that. Even if you have to flush a bowl of cornflakes down the toilet, it will get her off your back. Any meal you have as a family then has to be according to WW so strictly calorie controlled to less than 500kcals. A bit of subterfuge or downright lying is whats needed now.

You have done fantastically well, don't let jealous insecure people derail your efforts.

Most of us are brought up to be honest--but sometimes for the sake of our own health and sanity we must be less than honest--Julie's ideas are very good, I think. "Little white lies" and subterfuge can be very necessary from time to time in our lives.

People on the less power side of any power relationship have always had to use these methods for survival, for themselves and for their families. This is how women and certain nations and ethnic groups have, over the centuries, gotten the reputation for scheming, conniving, lying.

So be it.

I'm rooting for you, Daydreamer.

Get out as soon as possible. It will wreck your relationship with your fella when he arrives. (Maybe he shouldn't come until he has a job so that you can start a new life in your own place). Seems like your mum is also dependant on you. You need to show her that you are in fact a adult with your own mind and life.

I totally second this. You can't start your life together in such a toxic environment. Your mum needs to see you are a grown woman who can make her own decisions and I would tell her that if she doesn't wind her neck in and let you live your own life that you'll be packing your stuff and moving into a shared house and stuff the consequences. Grrrrrr to families. How dare they think they can make our decisions for us.
Am sending you a massive hug xxx

Heyy . I'm sorry to hear how hostile she seems towards your choic. Personally I think that saying nothing is strong: it's obvious that she won't take your side no matter what you say, so maybe just think to yourself ' you'll see', and don't give her anything to argue back to, then she'll get bored of attacking you. Change the subject, just say ' ok I respect your opinion' and get on with it. If you take the high road and trust yourself she's the only one who will get frustrated, cos you'll be getting the results !! You don't need to justify yourself tk anyone, especially someone who won't listen. I know how hard it is to not get wound up and explain yourself but I also know it's very satisfying when you manage it, and realise you've won lol xx

A year??? Oy! This is going to crumble fast and in your heart-of-hearts you already know it. Resorting to deceit is self-delusion as is sneaking out and remaining quiet.

Being an adult requires taking total personal responsibility and have some shred of faith, courage and confidence in making your own decisions - NOT in continuing to accommodate the whims and foibles of anyone else.

Avoiding an uncomfortable adult decision clearly demonstrates that you are a willing volunteer for remaining miserable under the pressures of someone else's thumb. Do you really want to do that?

You can be and do so much more if you'd only take that step. Think hard, girl. Think hard.

oh my goodness, I have just returned to your discussion after posting yesterday and now armed with more information that you have provided about your life, your super toxic mother, and the potential for your boyfriend to move in and for you to stay a year tops, oh my gosh, GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE!!!! Your boyfriend Jamie must live somewhere so is there any chance that you could go live with him instead and start over? Someone suggested finding a couples job where you would have housing as well provided. I really think you need to stand up for yourself and get out of there. Your mother is so toxic and the fact that you also feel financially obligated to her does not mean that you should stay. What is the worst that could happen? Why on earth would you ever think that you had to share your thoughts about going to a therapist? You are obviously entangled in a very sick web of motherly control that needs to stop. A year of living in a very toxic house with your boyfriend is such a bad idea and will only make your relationship with him horribly strained. Give yourself a huge hug and tell yourself that you do not deserve to live the way you have been any longer. A much happier and healthier life is out there, grab it! love and hugs from scotland

So glad you've got some plans sorted between you & your BF & are drawing some limits, that's great. And also be aware that the toxic atmosphere may suddenly turn deadly and you'll need to get out somehow before that year is up, so if you could make some "worst case scenario" contingency plans as well, that would maybe make you feel safer. We're on your side, daydreamer, and please keep us informed about how you're going - both with fasting and with things in general! Hope you have a good day, today and everyday! Sending you lots of positive energy & fresh air - you could come to Australia, we have plenty of space & fresh air here!

There are a great number of factors as to why Jamie is moving in here with us, trust me I more than anyone know this is not the best situation. Jamie is leaving his family in Scotland and Northern Ireland to be here with me. The reason he is moving in here is because he has ME/CFS and never finished his secondary education because he was bedbound. He has managed to work himself up a bit to where he can survive a few hours without needing a rest or falling asleep but he has never been employed. He is hoping to go into college and maybe get an apprentiship but of course I would need to support him while he does that. For that to happen we need to stay here because this is cheaper than having our own place. But we both know, as soon as we have enough money we will leave this environment. I think so long as we stand firm together, knowing my mother will try to poison it, we might be able to make it through relatively undamaged. Thank you everyone for your overwhelming support, love and compassion. I am truly grateful to each of you who took the time to offer your support and advice