The FastDay Forum

I've just seen a friend for lunch; we are creatures of habit, going to the same place and ordering soup and a sandwich.
Today, for the first time ever, I couldn't finish my sandwiches - and they were delicious. I left all the bread but ate the rare roast beef (and polished off the home made soup).

I endured a few comments about eating disorders and then was told I'm becoming obsessive (yes, I am very focused). I held my tongue. I was laughed at for counting calories and 'skipping meals'.

I'm very fond of her (she doesn't cook, doesn't calorie count and is bigger than me) but she seems hell bent on not wanting me to continue.

What is wrong with wanting to lose weight? I know you'll all say, "Nothing!"

Have you come across people like this?

I know exactly what the problem is.
She doesn't want to be the last fat person standing!
I've seen it so many times.
Be very proud of what you are doing to improve your health and well being. Don't let ANYONE sabotage it.
I wouldn't share too much with her re your eating habits.
Good luck.

She'll be narked by the focus you're showing too.

I've been nagged by a sibling for years to lose weight and now I'm getting moaned about my saggy chin...and how they don't like change! Oh and my clothes are now hanging off me, which isn't quite true!

In your own mind, are you well? Do you feel at risk of an eating disorder? Are you in control? If you can answer yes to two of these and no to the other, ignore any future comments.

PS I can't overeat any more, virtual gastic banding!

[Moogie]

I had the exact same thing when I went out with two of my friends last October - who, like yours, are somewhat larger than I. I was beginning to feel full after my starter (which was pretty big if you ask me! More the size of a lunch - two big lumps of pate, a pot of berry stuff and 4 slices of toast), couldn't manage all my main and by pudding time had to tell the girls I physically couldn't manage a pudding. They told me I was being silly and that I'm getting too obsessed with weight loss, blah blah - same sort of thing as your friend. They simply wouldn't believe that I was already full and started to lecture me about eating disorders etc. It doesn't help that one of them is a nurse! Anyway, they insisted I get a dessert. I managed all of about 2 spoons before I had to stop, I took the rest home for hubby in a napkin.

I don't see what's wrong with preferring not to eat until you're so stuffed you're likely to get a tummy ache and feel sick. I love food, and I will eat as much as I can manage but I simply cannot manage as much as I used to and I hate tummy upsets.

Personally I'd rather eat a bit less when I eat out and know the scales will continue go down that week than overfill my tummy and feel physically unwell, probably losing nothing because of all the uncessary extra rich, fatty food consumed.

In your own mind, are you well? Do you feel at risk of an eating disorder? Are you in control? If you can answer yes to all these, ignore any future comments.

Yes to first question, not to no 2 and yes to no 3.
I've never felt more in control in my life! Nor as healthy! And definitley no to an eating disorder!

Think you're both right. WE've shared a weight problem for a while; I can foresee some bumpy times ahead...

Edited to say 'thanks' Moogie.

[carorees]

I know exactly what the problem is.
She doesn't want to be the last fat person standing!

Edited my post to make actual sense now.

At the end of the day, it's her choice to like it or lump it and she'll either adjust or she won't. But it's not about you, it's all about her.

It is difficult telling people about the dieting... I've found my most successful diets have been those that are not obvious so less questions are asked. I generally only tell a handful of people (until now) that i'm even dieting, then I feel less pressured and judged!

Stick with what you're doing as long as you feel good.

"so you're fasting" and your friends/families eyes lock in silent disapproval, they might even go as far as the heavenward look. Words like faddy are soon used and you feel the need to go on the defensive but anything you say like you are taking control of your weight will be viewed in the negative as obsession

So the best thing I guess is to ignore them, let them feel smug and think you're silly if that's what gets them there. However the reality is I'm going to visit my parents for a week next month and I know my mother will disapprove and try to sabotage me and make me feel stupid, I of course will react like a petulant 41yo teenager

The funny thing is my upcoming visit and how to break the fasting news has been on my mind all day today, then I saw your post. I love my Mum and we are very close, don't want my fasting to spoil visit so am going to have to work out how to deal with the negative comments before I get there rather than regressing 25years and going off to my bedroom for a strop

[carorees]

How about "I've decided to start eating like a naturally thin person does, so I can become one"

How do you do that then?

"oh I skip the odd meal here and there, only a few meals a week, nothing major, like my slim friends do"

Isn't that terribly bad for you?

"well my slim friends seem much healthier than me so it can't be doing them any harm"

Etc etc. just don't mention the word "fast". After all few of us are really fasting (i.e. going without food all day). No need to hand them the stick to beat you with!

I know my mother will disapprove and try to sabotage me and make me feel stupid, I of course will react like a petulant 41yo teenager

The funny thing is my upcoming visit and how to break the fasting news has been on my mind all day today, then I saw your post. I love my Mum and we are very close, don't want my fasting to spoil visit so am going to have to work out how to deal with the negative comments before I get there rather than regressing 25years and going off to my bedroom for a strop

Hi Jude, when I told my mum about 5:2 she was negative and defensive, it was helpful for me that my sister is also sharing this WOE so we had some support.

Anyway 6 weeks on she is changing her mind a little, she has noticed I have lost weight and said I looked nice.

She says she doesn't disagree with the 'diet' as such just not happy about me not eating all day!! She doesn't see the huge plateful of veg and fish I usually have for dinner!

By the way I am 44 and also still feel like a teenager when I am with her sometimes!

Mum's - you've got to love them!! Good luck with yours!

Dare I say that it's probably a bit easier for us blokes because no one really takes a lot of notice of what or how much we eat. If I skip lunch, no one notices or comments. I guess it's because males are not traditionally associated with eating disorders so no one feels inclined to start issuing any warnings.

So glad it's not just me Rachelb1968! Carorees your point was spot on I will use that, my mum has always been slim and never eats a lot hopefully putting it your way will do the job

I endured a few comments about eating disorders and then was told I'm becoming obsessive (yes, I am very focused). I held my tongue. I was laughed at for counting calories and 'skipping meals'.
I'm very fond of her (she doesn't cook, doesn't calorie count and is bigger than me) but she seems hell bent on not wanting me to continue.
Have you come across people like this?

When my "good friends" made similar comments to me a few weeks ago, I thanked them for their concern and commented that I felt better than I had for a long time.
I added that I had listened to their comments, but that I was doing this for myself, my health and my well-being, and would appreciate their support, but if they couldn't give that to me, I would rather we did not discuss it again.
They noted that I was not explaining, justifying, making excuses or being apologetic in any way, and the comments have stopped..
Well... to my face at least!

My Mum can tell me I'm fat, worry I'm not eating enough and offer me cake, all in the same sentence!

I try the reasoned argument and it works mostly, sometimes you just have to let them talk, nod and then do your own thing (or chuck a strop, which I still can do.)